Military Marriage: Navigating love through the lens of a rocky pathway.
I remember moments when I thought I knew what love was. I married early, full of expectations about what love should be, only to find that those expectations created more hurt and isolation. In the early days of our marriage, I believed love meant constant presence—that my husband would be near me all the time, no matter what. I didn’t understand that life’s realities, especially in the midst of war, would shatter that illusion.
When war came during my late teens, I was married and still grappling with what love truly meant. I craved a level of attention that wasn’t realistic, fueled by a deep-seated need from my childhood where love often felt scarce. I didn’t realize then that my responses stemmed from that place of emptiness. When those needs went unmet—needs that were both necessary and unrealistic—the feelings of being unloved and abandoned grew.
Looking back over the past 20 years, neither my husband nor I understood the root causes of that pain. It led me toward anger and resentment, emotions that created even more distance between us. Tracing and examining these feelings within ourselves has been a journey—one that requires hard work, humility, and the grace of God.
I’m profoundly grateful for where we are now, but our story of love is still being written. Love is a continual work of the Holy Spirit in me, in him, and through us. We are still learning what it means to walk in love, to become more like Love Himself, and to act in love for our marriage.
Embracing Your Own Story
Infidelity, loneliness, disappointment—these gaps in intimacy and growth leave lasting scars. Many military couples struggle with the ongoing separation, trying to bridge the gap while hoping the other will show up for them. True growth comes when we ask ourselves, “How do I show up in love, even amidst these feelings?”
When we can’t sit with our own moments of disappointment and hurt, we can’t expect our spouse to either. Both partners may live in a distorted version of reality, where love is based on assumptions rather than truth. By rendering our hearts to God, we shift from focusing on what we receive to how we give and act in love.
Verse: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18
Confronting Lies That Separate
Many military spouses wrestle with feelings of isolation, believing in a story of gaps—gaps in time, love, and growth. These lies can consume us, robbing us of the steps needed to grow with God and our spouse. Identifying these lies is crucial. What lies have kept you from growing together? What pain and sorrow have hidden in the shadows, preventing you from taking the next step?
To bridge these gaps, we must render ourselves wholly to God, allowing His love to guide us. It’s through His love that we find the strength to enter our spouse’s story fully.
Verse: “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” - John 8:32
The Role of Christ’s Love
Loving your spouse through their journey starts with finding love in Christ. His unconditional love offers security and safety, a feeling that no human can replicate. Only when we are filled with God’s love can we share that love with our spouse, growing closer together.
Verse: “We love because he first loved us.” - 1 John 4:19
Questions to Ponder:
• Does your spouse share their story with you? Do they open up about their hurts and pains?
• Can you both mend the lost or stolen moments together?
• How can you seek help, support, and a deeper relationship with the Lord to better understand and purify your lens of love?
By examining your heart and seeking Christ’s love, you can redefine your understanding of love in your marriage. God’s love purifies our pain, sorrow, and disappointments, guiding us toward truth. Through vulnerability and submission to God, we can bridge gaps, take risks, and trust each other more deeply. Let God’s love be the anchor that strengthens and purifies your marriage, transforming brokenness into a bond of love and resilience.
Verse: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” - Psalm 51:10
Verse: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
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